Rebranding

Wow! Look at that!

It's 2012 and one of my last posts here was the 2010 year in review!

So, now that we can accept that I've been neglecting my duties of telling you what has been going on in my life, let's just move on and pretend that our little silent treatment never really happened. Are we good? Ok, let's move on.

So, lots of things have happened over the past 14 months, or however long it has been. After I disappeared from Turn Signals Optional,  I put some effort into developing ParodyPlace.com, which (un)surprisingly didn't take off. It's actually my best work design wise, but it probably will never see the light of day.

In June/July 2011, I bought thequicksand.com and thesportswhiz.com, neither of which really had any development up until this past week. I debated switching hosting from GoDaddy to another site but ended up not doing so.

Long story short, We are back with a slew of new properties under the new "Quicksand Media"

Our homepage, "TheQuicksand.com" (under development) will feature all that fun stuff that you love to waste your time with online.
"TheSportsWhiz.com" is the rebranded Jose Beats Vegas site with a retooled simulator with even more accurate predictions.
"ParodyPlace.com" will continue to be your source for music video parodies on the internet.
"NoWayJoseMedia.com" will continue to be the place where I post videos if I continue to make them.
"TurnSignalsOptional.com" will drift away from its current role as an accessory to the other sites, and as its own general purpose blog.


I'd say thanks for keeping up with us, but I know you haven't been. :-/

Why Turn Signals AREN'T Optional

(Image: Daniel Nester)

 

 

There is something strange about that odd clicking sound that my car makes most times when it is going to make a turn.

Using my blinkers just doesn't feel right, however; I need to suck it up for the next two months. On March 21, 2008 I was driving my 1992 Chevy Lumina, otherwise known as the Bison Mobile, in my hometown on my way to Boston to pick up some CDs that I had won as part of a radio contest. The speed limit may have been 35, according to the ticket, I was going 51. No big deal, it was my first violation. They would let me go, right?

Wrong.

(Image: Police Lights LED)

Police Officers apparently don't like Spanish people. A friend of mine has been pulled over numerous times in the same town, and he got out of almost all of the tickets. The difference: his name is Oliver, quite possibly one of the whitest names in existance.

Anyway... I was going a little fast, and the officer decided to issue me a ticket. Usually, a ticket means an increase in your insurance rates. Fortunately, I have an insurance company that overlooks your first ticket or accident for three years. Three years just happens to be the amount of time it takes the state to disregard your speeding tickets and consider your driving record clean as well.

Last night, or rather, very early this morning, I had just completed the wonderful Rhode Island maneuver of rolling through a stop sign and was accelerating rather quickly on the VERY SAME ROAD that i received the ticket on those many years ago.

The roads are very empty at 2 in the morning on Monday, and I was going a good 10+ over the speed limit when the headlights showed up out of nowhere on a side road. I immediately took my foot off the gas and drove a comfortable few miles under the speed limit. He didn't have the gun out, since he was just doing his rounds, on his way to check up on the elementary school that was nearby, but it was enough to shock you back into the reality of coming so close to a clean record.

March 22, 2011: The day speed limits become suggestions and turn signals, are once again, optional.

2010: Year in Review

As 2010 is coming to a close, it is time for THE YEAR IN REVIEW!!!

2010 could be considered the most successful year for No Way José Media. 2009 was the year of the “I Hate College,” which continues to be our most watched video, yet 2009 didn’t bring too much in the way of content. 2010 was the year of content with 9 Audio Tracks, and 2 full videos.

2010 was also the year of major site upgrades. We saw the Bison Blog and the old No Way José Media sites put to rest as Turn Signals Optional and the new No Way José Media sites became live.

So, to look back at the year that was, I present, the top 5 lists for No Way José Media and Turn Signals Optional:

No Way José Media
Top 5 Releases of 2010

5: Madd Dogg / No Way José Rap Battle
The year began with a slow start without any media releases until May with the Madd Dogg / No Way José Rap Battle. The No Way José releases of “Deader than Ledger,” and “Go Home,” were followed by “Vengeance,” and “Massacre.” The two have argued over the historical accuracy of some of the lyrics, and Madd Dogg has assumed victory, to which No Way José has denied, however, after six months of silence, is it possible that the battle is not over?

4: Better than Me
Technically, by the numbers, this Mike Posner Parody was the most successful video released in 2010; it only graces the charts at number 4. Its success can only be attributed to a more open field than some of the other work. It was the first video recorded in High Definition, however, we learned the hard way that we don’t have the computer hardware to handle high definition editing. For a practice video with a new camera and new editing program, it worked.

3: Carol of the Bells
This autotuned a cappella of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas classic comes in at number 3 on the chart. This year’s holiday album, “A Very Eddy Christmas,” was not as plentiful as the 2009 holiday album; however, Carol of the Bells takes first prize as the best autotuned Christmas song in existence.

2: The Joy of Christmas
This original Christmas song created by NWJ Media Partner Tim Forbes became the most listened to song on the site for December. The song is a nostalgic look back at the joy of Christmas. We hope that this successful holiday song does not become a one-hit-wonder and we can see more media from Tim soon!

1: In a Dream

Clearly the biggest NWJ Media release of the year is the Katy Perry and Inception parody, “In a Dream.” The song featured Tim, the same partner of “The Joy of Christmas” fame, as Dom Cobb/Leonardo DiCaprio. The video has been called “No Way José Media’s finest work,” by an unnamed film critic* and is the 2010 No Way José Media Release of the Year.

*homeless man who I gave a package of Keebler Peanut Butter Sandwich Crackers.


Turn Signals Optional
Top 5 Blog Posts of 2010

Unlike No Way José Media, which gets most of its views from Facebook Recommendations, Turn Signals Optional depends on a very different source of traffic: Google Image Search. The most viewed blog post of the year was “A Letter to Saint Rita,” simply because plenty of people are looking for images of that particular saint. It may have been the most viewed post; however, it doesn’t make the cut as part of the top 5 of 2010.

5: Meet the Cast & Production Photos Series
Prior to the release of “In a Dream” we released a series of production photos, including the “Meet the Cast” post, introducing you the cast of the video of the year. Short cast biographies including past appearances and astrological signs are included!
Quote of the Article: “For Forbes, the transplant from a college smaller than an iPod Shuffle…”

4: 2000 Miles Overdue
The summer brought numerous mobile blog posts, typed out on my iPhone, and emailed to myself to format and post on the blog later. 2000 Miles Overdue is the most viewed of all of these summer posts, namely because of the pop culture references I used which also tend to be highly searched terms. Most of the summer posts are shorter, but good for a quick lol. Honorable mention to “My Super Power.”
Quote of the Article: “Apparently even forty-year-old hippies are interested in Justin Bieber’s tattoo and Taylor Lautner’s abs.

3: NYC: Art is Subjective
The remaining three posts on the countdown feature much longer posts detailing the unordinary situations that I, as an ordinary person seem to find myself in, and the very unordinary people we meet. In this post, we meet “The Greatest Artist New York Has to Offer.” The post details my first trip to New York City. My girlfriend and I decided to get drawn by the Greatest Artist New York had to Offer.
Quote of the Article: In Times Square there was a man selling “Obama Condoms – A Stimulus package for those hard times!”

2: Jay-Z or Something (Part I & Part II)
In the “Jay-Z or Something” series, you are introduced to “The Greatest Waiter on Earth,” and this time, I’m not sarcastic. You’ll get to meet Brian, a waiter at the International House of Pancakes. We met Brian on his second day of work, and confused him with some difficult orders. Since that night, Brian has served us numerous times, and I’m pretty sure we are his favorite customers.
Quote of the Article: Bryan was probably the most entertaining waiter that I’ve ever had, and my girlfriend and I always hoped that he would be at IHOP every time we went. And we went to IHOP more frequently than it seems than my mom needs to go to the bathroom.

1: The Wonder of it All

It’s no secret that I had a gambling problem (or still have one, depending on your point of view). My girlfriend likes the Titanic and a Titanic exhibit had come to Foxwoods, as in one of the biggest casinos in the world. Unfortunately, you have to be 21 to enter the gaming floor, but that doesn’t mean that we didn’t have quite the adventure. Sometimes, you meet wise men who hold signs on street corners telling you that the end is near. Sometimes, you meet wise men who wander casinos and give you insight into their wisdom. In this post, you meet “The Wisest Man in the World.”
Quote of the Article: “Bingo at Foxwoods for the elderly is like the next Twilight movie for teenage girls.”

So I guess that closes out 2010. Now I get the wonderful pleasure of being the last person out of the unnamed pizza restaurant tonight in 2010, as well as the first one in tomorrow morning for 2011. Last year, I slept through the ball dropping only to wake up half an hour later, so I guess at least this year, I’ll be awake and on the clock…

Hope that 2011 begins a little more eventful for you! Happy New Year!

The 2010 Holiday Album is Here!

Season’s Greetings!
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
Happy Festivus!
Happy End of the Semester!

It doesn’t matter what you call it, the true holiday to celebrate is the end of the semester! The light at the end of the tunnel is finally here. I’m home at my top secret location, far away from the atrocities of Hope food, and that means that there is only one thing left to be done.

For us to finally put all this “school” stuff behind us, and move forwards with the Christmas Season we need one thing: A New Autotuned Christmas Album!

This year we have worked hard to provide you with “A Very Eddy Christmas,” which is now available for your listening pleasure over at No Way José Media.

The Christmas album is always a nice fun way to end the year, and 2010 has been one of our most productive years in a long time. You can look forward to a look back at NWJ Media in 2010 sometime next week.

We do have one additional announcement, and that is that we are welcoming another Amigo to the No Way José Media family. That Amigo will be announced later in the week, as he releases his first song.

Until then, have a happy holidays!

Listen to: Carol of the Bells
Listen to: Happy Christmas (War is Over)

It's that time of the year again!

It's that time of the year again. Christmas music has been on the radio stations for about a month now. School is wrapping up. You can almost feel them change of season in the air!

I am talking about the wonderful Christmas Season! Christmas is a very special season here at No Way Jose Media! It was this time last year that we purchased this domain name, and released our first Christmas Album, Autotuned Burnside Christmas.

This year is no different and we have another album in the works! Of course, since we are out of that dump that is called "Burnside," and now living the life in the mansion of Eddy, we needed a different title. "A Very Eddy Christmas," probably won't ever come to a record store near you, but it will be available for free download by December 20th.

We have plenty of interesting concepts and songs that we want to work on, and the Christmas album is always the chance for you to be a part of a No Way Jose Media production. If you are interested in participating, then just leave us a message on our Facebook wall, and we will try to communicate with you!

Well, this is awkward...

Well, this is awkward...

It's kinda like I took all you ignorant drivers with me on a date, and you thought it was going well. We really connected at dinner and we really connected afterwards. You expected to get some sort of call from me but it never came.

You waited multiple days, still no communication.

We are both facebook friends, your birthday came and went but I didn't wish you a happy birthday.

And right after you've given up all hope since it's been almost two months I finally call you up.

And you welcome me back with open arms, right?

Sorry it has been so long since the last time I posted here. I could make up excuses like, "Oh, I've been busy with school," but I would rather tell you the truth: I've been busy with school!

Now this might be the part where you reply and say something like, "If I meant anything, you would have called,"

To which I could only respond, "I've been busy with other projects."

Now before you get into a jealous rage, please let me explain. I promise I'm not cheating on you! I swear! I have just been busy with our sister site, No Way Jose Media.

"My sister!" You loudly exclaim as you slap me across the face. "You little slut!"

Ok, it's all true! But this little faux conversation assumes that any of you care that I haven't posted in a while. Seriously! You don't even care about me! What if I died, murdered by Frank Caprio after he went on a murderous rampage cause he could take my vote and really shove it as far as I'm concerned. No one would notice until the domain expires in another six months and you wouldn't even care then.

But I forgive you for not caring about me, permitted that you forgive me for ignoring you for the past two months.

And on a slightly political note, if you are voting in Rhode Island tomorrow, please support Frank Caprio. Rhode Island cannot have Lincoln Chafee in the State House, and as much as I might like Ken Block or John Robitallie, the sad truth is that a three way race is only helping Chafee, and nobody wants higher taxes. This is coming from myself, a conservative independent.

Also, elect Bob Healey and let's eliminate the Lt. Governor's office.

Oh, and Stewart/Colbert 2012! Watch Jon Stewart's speech from Saturday. It's got some inspiring stuff.


Okay. [/politics]

Now, if you haven't checked out the new, No Way Jose Media, then please do. I've a good portion of the last two months locked in the secret bunker with the server redesigning the website. There is a lot more functionality and it looks pretty. Also, it is easier than ever to be an amigo, and manage your content. If you are a band, a blogger, or a videographer, then apply to be a content partner. We can get your content released to a wider base and you'll enjoy it much more.

Well, I have successfully not paid attention for the entiretly of a fifty minute class period. Please forgive me and I promise we will get more frequent posts here.

And remember, Ignorant Driving is Strength!

Mobile Blogged from my iPhone

In a Dream Release!

I shot for a midnight release and I'm about 16 hours late. I did release the video on the day that I promised, so I consider that a job well done. I may have had to sit in the computer lab for two hours to let URI computers upload the video, but the mission is accomplished. This is our best video in a while. Check it out below!